Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
someone owes me an orgasm
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
