I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
