he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
