I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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