If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
