It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
