I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
another moral hangover. fuck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
