turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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