I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
