I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
