Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
should my penis look like a turkey
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
