Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
