Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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