I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
