1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
