hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
