I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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