Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
