Sry I called you an 8
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
