My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
