dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
