Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
