Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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