I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
