i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
