Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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