All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
