Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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