Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
