I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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