The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
