totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
