I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
