i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
