Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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