Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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