There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
