she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
