meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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