you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
