smell my finger.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
