Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
