how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
