life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
