I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
