I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
