I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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