I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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