I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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