I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
