Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
