My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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