From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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