In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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