I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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