Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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