i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
