It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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