so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
