Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
