Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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