I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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