We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
