i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
