Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
