A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
