I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
