My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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