what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
