just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
