so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
